Love and Grape Jelly

“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.  ~St. Augustine”

We were in a hurry.  We were late for school.  I was rushing and pushing and striving and, well maybe-just a little, yelling.  I had woken up as Drill Sergeant Mom and was fully committed to the role at hand. 

Xander was making his breakfast toast.  Gluten free brown rice bread with soy free, vegan butter spread and Welch’s grape jelly.  A big, giant, brand new, did I mention full? glass jar of grape jelly. 

“Come on, guys. We are going to be late for school! Let’s move!”

“I’m coming, Mom!” Xander exclaimed as he put the lid back on the jelly and shifted the giant jar to his left hand to open the fridge. I turned to give him the “don’t-sass-me” look, and time froze. In the painfully slow motion instant where you just know what is about to happen and are powerless to stop it I watched the giant, glass jar of jelly teeter in his hand and-

fall

to

the

floor.

The dull spl-thwack of the jelly glass snapped the space-time continuum back into full speed.  I leaped into action as I watched tiny shards of glass spray across the floor- lifting Xander and swinging him out of the blast zone.  As I sat him down, I looked into his eyes. Tears were streaming down his face. With huge, remorseful eyes he looked up at me.

“Mama, I am so sorry. I have made such a big mess, and it’s all sticky and it was a brand new jar and now we’re late and it’s all my fault…”

You know what my first reaction to his repentant heart was? Was it, I can’t believe you made such a mess? Or clean this up right now? Or even an exasperated sigh and when will you ever learn?

It was none of those things.

Upon seeing his heartbreak and repentance, I melted. I immediately gathered him in my arms and held him. Loved him. Soothed him.

“Aw, Baby…it’s ok. We’ll clean this up together. Everything will work out just fine. Ok?”

Sniffing back the last of his tears as he started to calm down, “Ok…”

And then, “Mom…I love you.”

“I love you, too, Baby.”

I just want you to hear this one thing-

God loves you like that.

With Mama-soothing-her-broken-hearted-baby-love.

I have lived a good deal of my life with a voice of accusation that I sadly labeled as God. Always believing that He sent his son for US to cover our sins, but, in some way never fully understanding that Christ came FOR ME…FOR MY SINS…and that nothing that I do could ever change the fact that He loves me so much that He would lay down His crown, put on our icky man clothes, walk among us on this fouled planet, innocently die a horrific, tortured criminal’s death bearing up under the weight of all the sin that ever was and will be, conquered the grave and ROSE AGAIN (He’s alive, my friends- isn’t that the most amazing thing?)…HE LOVES ME that much- and HE LOVES YOU that much too.

The moment that jar of jelly hit the ground, and I looked into my son’s eyes and saw his despair at what he done, and I felt the immediate, instinctive reaction to soothe that despair, to forgive that mess he had created, to forget it. In that moment, God changed my entire understanding of grace and forgiveness.  

He spoke His word to me, “And now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..” Romans 8:1

I knew that God loved me like that- no, beyond that. That as long as I have a truly repentant heart about the mistakes of my life, God is stirred to soothe. To forgive. TO FORGET. It is the promise he makes us. I knew that the accuser of my soul was not my Lord, my Savior, but an enemy.  The enemy.  There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. He speaks to us with words of love, and joy and encouragement. 

Thank you, Jesus for ransoming my heart on the cross. Thank you, Lord for rescuing my heart with a broken jar of grape jelly! I love how you use the tiniest of moments to teach us truth….Keep teaching, Lord. I am listening.

What small moment has God used to teach you about His love?

Guest Post- The Goodest Mom

Beth's words about being "real" reminded me of a time when I ran across a diary from years ago that I'd tucked away. I was having one of Those kinds of days when I found it. I'd pretty much blown it as a mother that day and was feeling very low.

One entry in particular caught my eye.  It was dated August 19, 1997.  Our son, Grayson, was only three and a half, and our girls were still in grade school.  It read,

Today as I pulled Gray in the wagon to meet Lauren after school, he said to me, “Ya know, Mom, you’re da goodest mom I evah seen!”

I laid the diary down and pictured that boy as he used to be in his little denim overalls, with wispy blonde hair, blue eyes and pudgy fingers hanging on to the sides of the red Radio Flyer.  I instantly got a lump in my throat.  Not just for the sweetness of that time in life, but for the journey that has been Motherhood for me.

When I started out as a new mother, I was filled with awe and a sense of destiny in being Someone’s Mom.  And while I’ve never really lost that awe, the reality of raising children amidst the stresses of life has sometimes knocked the stuffing out of me.  There have been days, like the day I found the old diary, that I’ve felt failure closing in around me.  I couldn’t seem to do anything right, and I’ve wanted to give up on the whole business of parenting.

But those simple words from long ago made me remember what it means to be a Mom.  I’m never going to get the prize for “Bestest Mom.”  I rarely get ahead of the laundry and my meals are one-skillet-wonders, not gourmet creations.  I’m often forgetful and impatient, distracted and disorganized.  My kids know what it’s like to wear mismatched socks and eat breakfast cereal for dinner.

But “Goodest Mom.”  Now, that’s something, there.  Goodest Mom means that even if you’re not June Cleaver, you’re still just the kind of Mom your kids need.  It means that God knew what He was doing when He put your family together.  It means that your kids feel loved and that they know they belong to this little operation you’ve got going on.  There’s something warm and accepting about the Goodest Mom label.

Maybe it helps not to be called the “Worstest Mom,” but being in the Goodest category means that a Mom doesn’t have to be perfect to raise great kids.  The passing of time has given me perspective on those years of hard work, family fun and even the self-doubt.  I’ve experienced the mystery of prayer, the challenge of working things out and the beauty of grace in an imperfect family. 

I’d love to go back in time for just a moment, so I could tell myself to lighten up a little bit.  To stop worrying about being the Bestest, and just work on being the Goodest.   Our kids haven’t needed Perfection, they’ve just needed Real.  And maybe in the end, that’s what being the best kind of Mom is all about.

Today I’m going to celebrate the good things that have happened in our family, and I’m going to embrace the imperfections that keep us dependent on a faithful God.  I’m going to enjoy knowing that, in spite of everything, my kids still think I’m the Goodest Mom.

I’m grateful for the journey and awed by the privilege.

Rachel

How about you? Will you embrace the imperfections and grace that today will bring? Listen, God didn't made any mistakes when He put your family together...YOU are the Mom your kids need. Enjoy being "Goodest" and leave the rest to Him.

Rachel Ann Ridge started blogging about creating a home sanctuary a few years ago and discovered a whole new world online.  What she found was a wonderful community of readers and friends that she loves to "meet" with each day. Home Sanctuary is where you'll find her when she's not up on a ladder with a paint brush, or here at Going Beyond.

Guest Post - Improve Through Improv

Improve Through Improvisation

About a year ago Stever Robbins, the Get-It-Done Guy, suggested that I take an improv class.  I thought, “Why should I take an improv class? How’s that going to help me?” I decided to marinate my decision. I’m the kind of person that likes to do research and think through my decisions.  For example, when I was in school, I was always the last one to turn in my test. Or when I go to buy something, I read all the online reviews first.  I'm just not a spur of the moment kind of person. As you might imagine, the idea of taking an improvisation class was something that quite frankly I found a bit scary. 

But I’ve been working on trying to make decisions faster, so last week, after thinking about it for an entire year (yes, an entire year) I finally took a four day intensive intro to longform improvisation workshop (I mentioned I like to marinate on my decisions, right?)

Oh, man, I AM SO GLAD I took this class from PHIT(that’s Philly Improv Theater)! It's one of those things--you don't know what you don't know--until you know. Not only did I learn about improvisation, I learned (and was reminded of) several important life lessons.  So, today, I'd like to share with you some of my "ah-ha" moments. You probably already know this stuff, but I figure it never hurts to be reminded of the important life lesson stuff, right? Honestly, I’m hoping this article might persuade you to take an improv class or at least go see an improv performance.

What Improv Can Teach Us

So what exactly did I learn or relearn?

Lesson #1:  Laugh More

Most importantly, I was reminded that fun, play, and laughter are equally important as serious work. I laughed more in those four days than I had in some time and it made me feel better. Laughter stretches muscles in our face and body, raises our pulse and blood pressure, and causes us to breathe faster.  Some researchers say the benefits of laughter are like a mild workout! I know for me, it was great to spend a few days laughing and having fun with other people.  It gave me a boost.  It definitely put a spring in my step. 

I've decided to play more.  I'm committed to having more fun. I hope that’s why you’re reading this article—because you find it fun (and informative).  

Lesson #2:  Commit 100%; Sell It!

I was reminded how important and helpful it is to commit to something 100%. In fact, the bolder I was and the more committed I was to my improv character choices the EASIER it became. Kristen, my teacher, said several times, "Make a choice and commit. When you are able to commit you can settle into the character and then you'll just know what to do."

When I was able to commit 100% to a choice, it reminded me of the feeling I have when I'm been “in the zone” --it gave me that feeling of energized focus.  You know that feeling you get when you are so completely absorbed and immersed in the activity that you don't even notice that you’re hungry or that time is passing. 

When I committed 100% I was able to shake my feelings of self-consciousness and just have fun! And when I wasn't fully committed, I was shaky.  I was nervous and struggling with what to say and do. I was full of self-doubt. It was a horrible feeling.

So weather you're singing in the shower or delivering a presentation, give it your all.  Enjoy the process. Participating fully and relaxing into the activity is what leads to success--no matter what your skill level is. Being bold and committed, regardless of what you are doing, is what makes you a standout.  So, I’ve decided to commit to commitment!

Lesson #3: Make It About the Present Moment

Speaking of which, toward the end of the last day I found myself not participating. I was thinking about the activities we had done in the morning and I was also worrying about the final performance our group was going to have to do.  In essence I wasn't focused on the present moment; I was too busy thinking about the past and the future. 

Unfortunately, my distraction caused me to not participate at all in the game we were playing at that very moment.  I later realized that not only had I let myself down, but in a way, I had let the rest of the class down too.  Because, I wasn't participating they needed to work that much harder. It reminded me of that John Lennon lyric, "Life is what happens when you're busy making plans." 

Lesson #4: Listen Fully and React

During one activity, I missed a big offer.  What does that mean?  My scene partner said, "Yes, we've had five deaths at these waterfalls."  That was a very interesting statement that screamed, "Ask me more about THIS, Lisa!"  But, I didn't ask him about it.  Why?  Because I wasn't fully listening. I was only half-heartedly listening. 

The irony is that I wasn't listening fully because I was trying to come up with something creative to say.  Had I just been fully listening to my partner and not worrying about my response, I would have naturally and easily been able to respond to his big interesting offer with something creative. 

Not listening is a common problem.  I think many of us, obviously including me, sometimes start thinking about our responses instead of really listening to what our conversation partners are communicating.  And we can miss really important stuff when we aren’t fully listening to what is actually being said. I was reminded that listening requires focus and is critical to team creativity.

Lesson #5: Be Specific to Build Connections and Relationships

One of the rules of improvisation is to be as specific as you can be.  That should be a rule for all communicators.  Think about how much more you are able to communicate when you are specific.  Why should you say, “I enjoyed the party last night,” when you could say instead, "I had so much fun singing Karaoke at my sister Maria's baby shower."  By being specific you are revealing significantly more information about yourself and this helps your conversation partner to find and make a connection with you. 

Improvisation, like life, is a team sport.  To be successful you need to connect with the other people around you, and then focus and heighten the relationship. Whether you are trying to close a business deal, talking to your significant other, or performing improv, you can build strong connections by being specific.  

Originally, I wasn’t going to write an article on this. I thought it would be best to improvise a show.  So, during the workshop, I recorded a short interview with my improv teacher, Kristen Shier. But I realized after we recorded it, that I didn’t fully capture why I was so jazzed and energized. In fact, I’m still not even convinced I’ve fully captured it in this article. So I plan to wrote a short blog piece on my website about how the class helped me to think differently.

I can’t express how strongly I would like to encourage you to take an improv workshop.  It doesn’t’ really matter what you do day in and day out, it doesn’t matter what your profession is, you will gain significantly. Improv can definitely help you to be a better performer, a better speaker, and a better communicator--perhaps even a better person!

This is, Lisa B. Marshall, The Public Speaker. Passionate about communication, your success is my business.  Your homework for this week is to take an improv class or if you’re not quite ready for that yet, go see an improv performance or at least just go have some improvised fun.  You’ll be glad you did!

Ask Who Not How....

So I was in a coaching session yesterday (my own, not a client’s…yes, I too have a coach!) and my coach said something to me that really shook up my thinking.  He said, “when we ask how we get totally in our heads.  It becomes completely mechanical thinking. But it’s not our head that moves us to action. It’s our heart.”

Dang! Preach it, Brotha!

Then I started to analyze my thinking this last few weeks.  In my journey to create this women’s retreat ministry, what has my main focus been?  It’s been HOW!

How do I get it started? How do I market it? How much do I charge? How much is it worth? How do I set it up? How, How, How….But too much HOW sucks the like out of life. It’s too mechanical. It’s all in our heads. It’s too much about the plan, the schedule, the process and not enough about the experience, the joy, the passion in the journey.  It also leads to overwhelm, stress, procrastination, and in my case, mental and physical exhaustion.

See if you’re brain is like a computer (and it is), spending all your time in the HOW sucks up RAM (random access memory….aka desktop space) at an unbelievable rate, and the end result is paralysis, the inability to do ANYTHING! Believe me, sitting on a dream, especially one that is God-given, is a very uncomfortable place to be. Not doing anything is NOT an option!

So what’s a highly motivated, process-oriented girl who’s plagued by procrastination to do? She has to stop asking HOW so much and start asking WHO.  Ok…I say to Brook, uh, “what exactly does that mean?”  “You have to start asking who do I need to be today?” Who needs to show up to achieve this goal? WHO brings us back to the heart, and the heart produces action, motivation, and passion. Wow….so how does this tie into my 30 day mission? Well…follow me on this one….

If we become what we focus on and we are ALWAYS focused on How to do stuff, we become mechanical, obsessive and overwhelmed. That’s not to say a little bit of how isn’t a good thing…a little bit is necessary to get things done. But if we continually focus on how we do two things:

1)      We take our focus off of God to provide direction.  This is bad, people…This leads to wondering around in the wilderness. We have to stay open to where God wants us to go and that means taking our hands off the wheel and letting him drive. Only shifting our focus from how to who can we accomplish this.

2)      We get totally stuck in the details and begin to worry about success/failure.  This is the trap that most people will fall into.  It is when we only focus on How that we begin to worry about failure.  Laser vision on WHO we need to be will allow us to be unattached to the outcome and embrace success…because WE control who we are going to be….it is the only thing we control.

So thanks to my coach for reminding me about all this wisdom that I possess. Ask me about him, I would be happy to share his info with you.  But more than that, thanks to God for putting people and thoughts in my path to confirm and guide me in the direction that I need to go!